Days before Thanksgiving

 There has been a thought running thru my mind and I can not shake it off. You know when you have gone thru some hard times and you think you have delt with every inch of the trauma and then SURPRISE! something pops up and you now have to deal and cry over a new part of the trauma? Yes! This happened to me. As you well know about my parents divorce and how my siblings and I delt with the pain and that pain has now turned into a scar. A couple of months before Thanksgiving my brother's face started to bubble to the surface in my mind. I remember him weeping, not crying, but weeping. He sat at my table at 4am weeping many times during my parents divorce. I don't know why this image of him kept coming up in my mind. 

I pushed that image of him out a couple of times because for one, I work every day, second, Thanksgiving was three months away and I needed to get my menu together and get the house in order. Normally, I have my husbands whole family over for Thanksgiving. That would mean about 50 people at my home. This year, without thinking, I have closed doors on some people who do not put the same effort that I put into them. You know, if I visit them that's the only way I see these people because they do not put the same effort to come and visit me. There seems to always be an excuse why I am not visited. So! I have silently closed those doors. Of course, these same people will visit each other but not me! Let's not go down this road....it can get pretty ugly. 

This strange new thought came into my mind. Ministry! What is my ministry. I am a women and I have a ministry. What is my ministry outside of the church? We have to carry our ministry outside of the church! I began to think about my ministry. My ministry is my family! I serve them, cook, clean, invite, gather together, go find family, protect, pray over, and love. Acts of service is part of ministry. 

With Thanksgiving on the horizon I began to see something was trying to get my attention. I needed to be still and silent so I could see what was forming on the horizon that was trying to reveal itself. We all know how our mind, heart, and soul can be so active and loud because we are wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, ect....can be because we are always going..moving...planning. I had to sit down, silence myself, and face what I did not know I had put on the back burner to deal with later and later was now in my face. 

Like I said before I am not visited and it bothered me! A family of Christians is who we are. I scanned my thoughts and I realized how I felt about this. I was hurt. I felt forgotten. I felt I had been pushed out of a family. I began to turn this over in my mind and my brother popped up again in my mind. I slowly began to realize what I had done to my own family. It was not pretty. My heart sank to the floor. I had done worse to my own family than what was done to me. I had pushed my own family away. All my siblings were scattered and we did not visit each other, talk, or even text. The Lord was dealing with me about my own ministry. I had failed my own ministry. 

Tears came down my face and I cried for a bit. I looked over to my husband and said to him. How does a father not think of his family and how alienated he is from his daughters, sons, and grandchildren. I am a sister and it is bothering me how scattered we are. How can we claim to have Christ in our hearts and not get a jolt in our heart because we will visit everyone else except certain people. How? It is our ministry. I realized I wanted to be a sister who gathers together, one day I will be a mother in law and I will visit all my son in laws or daughter in laws as if they are my own son and daughter no one left out!...it is my ministry. I want to leave a legacy. 

After crying and realizing what I needed to do. I began to plan Thanksgiving out. Went to the store to get two turkeys and one ham. Mom got all her ingredients for her famous stuffing. I texted all my siblings that I was hosting Thanksgiving and the time to come if they wanted too. Of course, we cleaned up the house and cleaned out the chicken coop. My brothers had not seen my chickens and darn it they were going to see it at Thanksgiving!

 

I normally take 3 days off for Thanksgiving but this year I didn't take time off. After working nine hours I went home to bake two pies, two turkeys, and one ham. While everything was in the ovens I decided to get my fine china out to place on the dinner table. We were going to do Thanksgiving fancy! The image of my brother was no longer popping up in my mind. I was gathering together what Satan had scattered. I am not my siblings mother but I am their big sister and big sister is not dead. Dad failed us but we didn't need to fail each other. We are still a family. God created family. Dad is the one who is missing out. We don't need to punish ourselves because of Dad. Dad made his decision and it's for him to pay that price not us! 

As I placed each place setting down it felt like one step closer to new beginnings and l was doing what I was being led to do. I was being led to gather. Christ gathers. Christ does not forget! Christ has a table that says come and dine! He will leave the whole flock to go find the lost little lamb. We should be like Christ. Ask questions! Go find them (the lost lamb) and bring them to the table. We all just want to be seen and herd. We all want to be found sometimes! As Christians we think I went to church and that is my ministry. We are living walking sacrifices that walk out of the church to carry the ministry HOME! We gather like Christ. We yell come home and come eat! That's what I did with my siblings....yall come and eat! The table is prepared and the food is ready and I have missed yall and come and eat! I need to see you! 

I realized Christ has been yelling for all of us to come and eat! He is calling the food is ready! Come and eat! Oh! What have I done! May God forgive me! My ministry! Church starts at home! It starts in our families! Satan hates families. He loves to destroy families. As Christians it's our job to make it harder for Satan not to get the chance to destroy. We bind together and link arms together and show Satan you CANNOT CROSS THE BLOODLINE! We shouldn't leave a wounded soldier behind! We gather! 

Thanksgiving morning I woke up and got my family dressed. The house was quite and walked over to the coffee bar and got coffee ready. I began to think of my siblings as I sipped on my cup of coffee. I agreed too as soon as my siblings came in thru my door I would hug them and let them know I missed them. I am the eldest and I may be the first to leave this earth and I want my siblings to say our sister loved us and she gathered us. Maybe my legacy is to simply gather and that's ok with me. 

The clocked finally chimed and my brothers showed up. I hugged them and I said I have missed you so much! It took everything in me to not cry. I hugged my sister in law because I don't want anyone to feel left out because I know how that feels. We walked outside so my brothers could see my chickens and they said my chickens were the fattest chickens they have ever seen! I took that as a compliment! We went back inside and my sister showed up and we were complete. My husband sat at the head of the table and my brother on the other side of the head of the table. I looked at my siblings and saw how much we changed. I whispered to my self...dad you have missed out and I feel bad for you! I hope it was worth it. We held hands and prayed over the food and ate on the best china. This was Thanksgiving. 

I was thankful! I gathered. I loved. I listened. I led. I was happy. I was content. I was a big sister. This is my Thanksgiving and it was all about reconnecting. God showed me to see those who are left out and to gather them. He sees those that are left out and we should see them too. Go! Gather! Leave a loved legacy. Happy Belated Thanksgiving!